Now I'm not the most organised of people, and as of last weekend I still had the food shop to do and a couple more presents to buy, so being not very well for a couple of days meant that I'd not left the house and they'd not been bought. Most people would go into a big panic about this, but my general demeanour means that I try not to sweat the small stuff... OK, so not having food in for Christmas is probably not classed as "small stuff" by a lot of people, but I decided a few months ago that this was going to be "the best Christmas ever" and I wasn't about to let a little setback like that put the kybosh on it!
Facebook have a weird status thing today, where you're asked to post about your #ChristmasMiracles. I'm not sure exactly why it bugged me, maybe because all of a sudden my timeline was filled with strangers talking about their miracles, but more likely because in my life at least, miracles like the above happen every day.
(Note: I wrote this article on Boxing Day, but didn't finish it. I'm leaving it exactly as I wrote it, but noticed an really unusual pattern of thinking in the paragraph above. It's the most negative thing I've noticed myself saying in a long while, and look at the subject! I'm complaining about people talking about their miracles. Wait... What?! As you read on in this article, you'll see how different the tone is in the rest of it. I clearly wasn't quite as well then as I thought I was - but the good news is, I'm obviously improving fast because now I'm quite shocked at myself for ever having felt that way. That's progress!! It's also only one paragraph in the entire blog, so I'm clearly doing extremely well overall! I'm posting on the 12th January, but the rest of this part is still about 26th December)
Last year my beautiful grandson made his appearance on the 27th December, so this year is officially his 1st Christmas. Normally we have our Christmas meal on a day somewhere near Christmas so that the kids can see their dads and their families, so last year we ended up having turkey sandwiches in the hospital rather than a sit down meal. This year we'll be having turkey on the 28th, so it was no major panic today as I was only meant to be doing a buffet today anyway. We did rather well in the end, and there's still loads of food left over. Believe me, that's something of a miracle - as well as the rain and thunder from an almost cloudless sky! Then when editing this article today (12th Jan) I remembered that Google is my friend, and look at the gift it had saved for me...
Back to the original posting from the 26th December...
Earlier this week, I lost another friend. I seem to be making something of a habit of that just lately, but unfortunately this loss was unavoidable and I'm not the only one feeling it. The friend in question was yet another witty, intelligent, hilariously irreverent friend and she'll be just as sadly missed as the others who also went long before their time. I've felt each of these losses deeply, but this time my reaction to was a bit different.
I've known her for about 10 or 11 years. We had a bit of friendly rivalry at the beginning due to a competition we were both front runners in, and I was very proud to say I'd beaten her on that occasion. She wasn't embarrassed to let me know she was ticked off that I'd won - and it didn't stop us from being friends because she just had this way about her where she could say pretty much whatever she wanted and get away with it. I'd love to be more like her in that sense, but I worry far too much about what other people think. I really need to stop that, because it's becoming a bit of a disabling factor.
(NB. I have almost entirely stopped worrying what other people think. I went out on Saturday night with 2 friends and into 2 pubs where most people were really dressed up. I was wearing jeans and a t shirt and a thin waterproof jacket. In the past I'd have worried that I wasn't wearing the "Saturday night uniform" of lots of make up and heels I couldn't walk home in, but this time I laughed, danced, sang, and generally enjoyed myself. And I only had 3 drinks all night! Turns out I don't need to be drunk to let myself go after all!)
This morning I caught the tail end of Pollyanna on BBC2. Anyone who knows the friend I'm talking about will probably wet themselves that I went from talking about her to Pollyanna, and well they might! It's not really a comparison anyone's likely to make, but that's not what this is about, so stop laughing and come back to the story ;O)
Pollyanna was another film I loved as a kid, and I've always thought it was because of the rainbows she introduced me to that were produced by the prisms hanging in her windows. Watching it today though, I realised that actually, that film probably had a much deeper effect on me than I'd originally thought. There's a scene where she's talking to the preacher from the local church. He's a bit of an ogre, and usually preaches hell-fire and damnation, but Pollyanna's locket has an inscription saying "If you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, then you surely will". The preacher starts talking about love and compassion in church, and before you know it, the whole town is happy and grateful for what they have - and they're all rallying around helping in times of need. As Pollyanna leaves the village at the end, the townsfolk are adding to the bottom of the town sign "The Glad Town" - and they all lived happily ever after!! *insert excited clapping here*
I went looking for facts and figures for this (yep, I'm doing research for this stuff you know!) and discovered that there's a dictionary entry for a "Pollyanna" and it's someone who's "foolishly or blindly optimistic". Well, that's an accusation I've had leveled at me on more than one occasion, so that film definitely had an effect on me - and not just because of the magic of the rainbows!
When I was getting ready for the day, I had my iPod on shuffle as usual, and as ever, the songs were particularly relevant. First up was Bob Marley singing about three little birds and smiling at the rising sun. OK, so it was past sunrise, but I did smile at the sun pretty early! He also said not to worry about a thing, because every little thing is gonna be alright. Well I have to tell you, I trust Bob's every word now, and here's why.
When I was in hospital, I was running late one day and Mr Marley was in my earphones when I saw a woman wearing a jacket with a company logo. The previous day, my friend had been telling me that her husband had just got a new job, and I was fairly sure it was the same company. I wouldn't usually have said anything, but Bob had said about 8 times in a row, "Say something, say something.." so I did. It turned out the woman's husband had interviewed someone earlier that week and she didn't know the guy's name, but that he was starting a couple of days later. I asked if her husband was called Paul, and he was, so we came to the conclusion that it must indeed be my friend's husband. It turned out she was going to the approximate place I was, and she very kindly gave me a lift.
On the journey she asked me where I wanted her to drop me off, so I told her where I was going, but that anywhere close by would be absolutely fine as I now had plenty of time to walk to where I needed to be. I couldn't believe it when she told me where she was going.... Next door but 3 from where I used to live - which also happens to be at the end of the street I was going to! So I got a lift to within 2 minutes walk of my final destination! Cheers for the little miracle Bob!
The lift meant that I was early, so I called in to see my friend's Mum to tell her the story of how Bob Marley got me a lift home, and at the end of it she said "Aww, that's a lovely story Sarah!! But I have to tell you, he doesn't work for that company!" So now go back and count the synchronicities in the above and tell me it's just a coincidence! LOL!
Then in October I was walking through Manchester and spotted a poster advertising that the Wailers were coming to The Ritz... I wouldn't even look at a poster like that usually, but there you go. They were amazing - and look at this photo I took! How amazing are all those orbs <3
I could list little miracles like this all day. Like the woman in the Spanish airport who couldn't give me the keys for a rental car because I'd bought the wrong insurance and had no spare money with me... so she offered me a lift to a hotel but then along the way decided that instead she'd just take me home with her to sleep in her spare bed! Or the day I asked a policeman in Piccadilly Gardens for directions to a cafe I'd been unable to find, only to be told that the person he was talking to worked for the company in question! There are so many stories like this that you probably wouldn't believe me if I did go on.
Up next on my Magical Mystery Shuffle was another Bob song, Could You Be Loved. "So while you point your fingers someone else is judging you.." Oh, this is something I really struggle with. Being judged. I hate it. I've felt that I'm not judgmental for a long time, but over the last few months I'd noticed that there were occasions where I was indeed judging. Not on behaviours so much, but I've been working hard on it, because it's not an attractive trait and I like to think I'm pretty much there now. The difference between the old me and the new improved version is, when I catch myself doing it now, I immediately let the judgement go and deal with the person in question with an open mind. It takes practice, but nobody else can keep a track of my thoughts so it's all down to me ;)
My hope is that by not judging other people, I'm less likely to be judged... but when you've been in the mental health system, it often feels as though everyone around you is constantly judging. I worry about everything I say now. I often feel as though the only topic of conversation is how my thinking and lifestyle have changed since September, and that I constantly have to justify my decisions to everyone. I'm not sure how exactly that happened, but I know it's because people care. The problem is, I'm never going to go back to my old ways of thinking, and I really don't want to spend the rest of my life justifying that. Most of my decisions don't affect anyone else, not the ones that are causing the worry anyway. I've been making decisions for a lot of years now, and I have quite a lot of experience, even if I am one of the most indecisive people I know! However, it does get a bit wearing when I'm constantly defending those decisions and trying not to be too "new Sarah".
Oh how I love thee Google! It's been a catchphrase in my social circle that "Google is your friend!" whenever anyone asks a question none of us know the answer to, (or we're bored of answering for other people!) so for that to be proven by today's showering of gifts is yet another miracle for me to add to the ever growing list! Here's what I was given when I searched for an image for "I'm not the me I used to be". It covers the exact point I was just making about judgements more perfectly than I could have imagined!
Who would have thought that Paris Hilton had grown up while she's been off our
screens? And yet we're still judging her for who she used to be.
I don't want to hide who I am. I've always (well ok, mostly!) been proudly Me, but all of a sudden, I'm not the "me" my friends know and love, and it's hard to handle. The thing is, maybe I AM a little bit crazy - but I've thought about this a lot over the last couple of weeks, and in my opinion, I'm the good kind of crazy! I believe in miracles, I believe in synchronicity, I believe we can have a better world, and I believe that a positive attitude brings far more happiness than any other state of mind. I used to believe that I could make the better world with the help of one person, but now I know it's going to take a LOT more of us than just two.
Above all, I believe in Angels. I always have, ever since I was little and heard about Guardian Angels. Mine have done a fabulous job of looking after me my whole life. They still do, on a daily basis, and every time I find myself in less than perfect circumstances, something happens to make everything better. A cheque through the post in the nick of time, or a houseful of furniture for £300 when a bin bag of clothes was the sum total of my possessions (I did have the bank balance to afford it, even if I didn't have much else at the time!) I'm looked after, and I always have been - so why would that suddenly stop now?
I also believe that when a life ends, the spirit lives on. Spirit, soul, whatever, I don't believe they're packed off to heaven or hell for the rest of eternity (and neither do I believe in a purgatory where people have to hang around while the decision is being made as to which of the alternatives is deemed suitable!) It's a standing joke amongst my friends and me that we're going to hell because that's where all the fun people will be, but I don't really believe it and never really have. The fun people are FUN! They're not evil, they're not generally law breakers (although some of our laws may disagree with that statement!) and they certainly don't deserve to burn in hell for enjoying sex and drugs and rock and roll. Plus, I've had psychic/spiritual readings where some of my friends have put in appearances after their passing, with such accurate details that it couldn't possibly be a coincidence. So yeah, I believe in some psychics.
I believe in Reiki because it's based on our natural vibration and frequency. I believe in the power of plants to heal us, and I believe that it's time we started looking at ancient knowledge with a new attitude instead of poo-poohing every school of thought that disagrees with "common knowledge". I believe that we're living in a illusion, and I believe it's of our own making. If you're starting to doubt me, please go and watch Tom Shadyac's documentary film, I Am. I watched it last week, (and wrote this blog) and now my beliefs are pretty much confirmed.
Over the last few days I've also been told that I have a gift... Empathy. Now I've always had a good dose of empathy, it got me a job once upon a time, but I didn't think it was a "gift" as such. I've been guided to different bits of information though, and it seems that it is indeed a gift. I've always been "overly emotional" and able to put myself in someone else's shoes, but that's always been a bit of an amusement when it comes to crying uncontrollably at films or at my kids' achievements. Looking into it further though, it seems that an Empath actually feels other people's emotions.
I'd read other articles though, which said about it being a debilitating condition, and as I've never considered myself severely affected, I assumed it didn't apply to me. When I've looked more deeply though, I started thinking about the positive effect I tend to have on people. I've genuinely lost count of the number of times people have said "thanks, I feel so much better after talking to you" when they'd arrived in the absolute doldrums, and I've always been told I give great hugs. Turns out, that's my gift. I can help people to feel better just by talking to them or touching them. How awesome is that?? I was led to this conclusion by my beautiful new friend and soul sister MamaFoo who wrote this article just for me (and people who quite literally *feel* the way that I do!)
We currently live in a world where we're told that magic is just trickery, where we either go to heaven or hell when we die, where we think we have no control. Where we let our governments get away with whatever they want because "it's just the way it is".
I believe it's time we started questioning everything. Who decided that things are the way that they are? Why do we believe them, and not the evidence found in people like Dynamo? How's that for a curveball!! Bear with me, it'll make sense soon, but have a look at him first, he's bluddy brilliant!!
To me, Dynamo is performing miracles every day. One of the girls in that video said "I couldn't believe my eyes"... Maybe it's time to stop believing our eyes, and start listening to our hearts?
Listen to Your Heart
And Google - listen to Google as well, because it really is your friend, and it's absolutely laden with gifts, just waiting for you to find them. It's a modern day Easter Egg Hunt, and instead of eggs, we're digging up Time Capsules.
How awesome is that?!
And Google - listen to Google as well, because it really is your friend, and it's absolutely laden with gifts, just waiting for you to find them. It's a modern day Easter Egg Hunt, and instead of eggs, we're digging up Time Capsules.
How awesome is that?!
LOVE!!!!
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